Walk

Sorry this has taken a bit. I have not been inspired until recently. Or really I have been lazy because I went for a hike with some girlfriends last week, and it is not until today that I am writing about it.

Switzerland has a bunch of cool things to do. One is to walk through the vineyards. They are pruning the plants at the moment so there is nothing to taste test until Fall. But it is a really fun thing to do. There are roads throughout the vineyards that you can take a stroll. So we did. And we could not have picked a better day!

Can't beat the view right? There were parts where it was like you were walking into the sky.

It was a gorgeous day. We walked through some small villages along the side of the mountains. Many of the vinters have stores and wine caves where you can taste test and purchase on the weekends. Personally the white is decent. But if you want a good red, go to Italy or France. The reds are better there. The town we walked through is nestled on the mountain and had these nifty thingys hanging across the streets. What do you call them? Not plaques. Whatever. If any of yous figures what to call them, let me know. Slipped my mind.

Totally perfect, old Swiss village. What would have been great is if someone started yodeling, or if a goat walked by. But nobody did, so I played my ringtone. And no goats either. We did see deer crossing signs though. But where they would come from I have no clue. Maybe the Swiss are obsessed with deer. We had the signs on our trip to Italy as well. And yes, my ringtone is a yodel. Actually it is the Cliffhanger Yodel from "The Price Is Right." Love that game. Hey, I am in Switzerland. I have to have the appropriate ringtone for Helga, my phone. People in stores look at me funny, but they would do that anyway so might as well give them entertainment at the same time. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, we went up through the vineyards... yada yada yada,and came back down. Haha! No we also had a delicious lunch at a cafe. Don't know if you can tell my the picture below, but the streets are really narrow, like for horse and buggy. Two compact cars can fit just. The side mirrors missing the buildings by inches.

We had a great time. And for those that have bad backs or hips, you can do this too. There were not many steep hills, just a few inclines. So be prepared. Of course if it is Fall then the wine will numb you so no probs there. We did about 5 or 6 miles. Can't remember now, but we had tons of fun. Hopefully, the girls will want to go again. I heard it gets really hot in the summer though, so it is best to hit is before June me thinks.

They have interesting contraptions for moving the grapes around. Because they are all located on the side of a mountain, the grape growers and workers have to do terrace planting of a sort. The steep stairs kind of scare me. Like a Stairmaster on steroids. To get the grapes where they need to go, they put them on this trolley system.

It is like a zipline for grapes! Imagine that as a fair ride! I can't wait until the plants start blooming. That would be fun to see, as well as the harvest. Anyone who wants to visit, this is a must!

What is also cool is that I went for a hike with a group from school on Friday. Here, that was the day of the eclipse. We only had partial, whereas Norway or Denmark had a total eclipse. I only tell you this to show a picture I took through a pair of glasses one of the ladies made since most of you were not able to view the event.

Spiderwebs

The reason behind spiders...

God made the earth, the animals, the sea and sky. God made woman. And He made man to protect woman. However, He knew one day that woman will get the vote, be liberated, be able to join the military, and finally become equal to man. She will not need him as much to see to her protection. So He created the spider.

Now the spider is a lazy animal. Instead of searching for food, he spins a web and waits for food to come to him. He will sit on his web, or in a corner of a house, or inside of shoes waiting for something to munch on. God decided to make the Swiss spiders the laziest of them all. As the mountains around the land that would become Switzerland grew and grew, the spiders looked at each other and decided that it was too high and too cold to travel across those mountains to look for greener pastures or tastier bugs. So they stayed put. And grew. And grew.

(size of silver dollar while walking. Not very clear because there was no way I was getting closer).

Over the years the spiders have evolved into intelligent, albeit still lazy creatures. For example, they think it is funny to scare the crap out of women. Men secretly appreciate this because they can show their prowess by chasing the thing off or killing it, thus proving to the woman he can protect her. And get a kiss and a hug in the bargain. The spiders will hide in corners, under beds, inside cabinets, just to try and give the woman a heart attack. The spiders have a nightly meeting at the communal web to vote who got the most screams that day, and to give tribute to their lost brethren.

Sometimes there is an unfortunate woman who does not have a man around the house to kill the spider. The spiders know this and concentrate their full force on this place. If there is a man/men in the house, the spider will reconnoiter to find out when he goes out of town or when the children are in school. You see, they also get extra points for when they see the woman and start chasing her across the room. They do this even if the woman has a can of spray because as she is running away screaming, the spider is less likely to be hit.

The plethora of giant Swiss spiders got cocky. Until one day an American woman moves into the country. She had hidden Borax in her shipment. Now Swiss spiders do not know this because you cannot find that product here, but Borax is poisonous to animals, especially spiders. So this American woman,whose husband travels for his job regularly, and whose children are in school most of the day, is home cleaning and doing laundry. After screaming, being chased across the room, feeling as if the spiders were crawling all over her, she grabbed the box of Borax, poured a little in her hand, and tossed it on the spider. End of spider.

"Spiderwebs" by No Doubt, 1995.
https://youtu.be/6ZktNItwexo

Uptown Funk!

So we are at half term already in school. Not really sure why since they have only been in school for 6 weeks. I think it is an excuse to go skiing before all of the snow is gone. We do not ski. Yet. Though there was that ONE memorable night 16 years ago when some really awesome friends tried to teach me to ski on a converted trash heap in Michigan. Face plant into ski pole and new tooth later, I am not sure I want to try again. Maybe next year.

So, since we were not with the rest of Switzerland going skiing, where'd we go? SALAMI CITY!!!! Huh? You know, Genoa. Genoa salami? Duh... Apparently, we are crazy because not even the Swiss drive through the mountains in the winter. Why? Well the Summer pass is closed to go over the mountains. Don't think I want to do that anyway. But the way through the mountains was open. The road consists 300 km, only 50 of which was straight-ish, peaking at 1900 meters (6,175 ft) with about 30 tunnels, give or take a handful. Three of the longest were 5,6, and 7 kilometers long. Oh and the tunnels were not the straight parts of the road. Here is a picture of why it was crazy.

Okay, well four. First is how the road turns (driving on the red to the blue line), second and third are the sheer drops on the side as well as the snow and almost white out conditions. Fourth is one of the open tunnels that allowed snow to blow through. Yey. Exciting. Thank you the headache and sore hand from grabbing onto the "oh shit" bar. I think this the is road in which whoever was driving and their passenger named the handle. There were even deer crossing signs along this road. Where would they be coming from, and where would they go? Are they suicidal deer? There is no place but down. I kept thinking of a deer prancing along and then like a cartoon there is no ground and they hang in the air for a minute, eyes bulging, saying "Uh-oh!" Then they would plummet to the ground squished. Nice thought huh? But I cannot blame anybody else because it was my idea. Next time? The train.

By now you are probably wondering, or not, why I titled this after a Bruno Mars song. Okay, Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars. Well, the Italians love this song. We heard it 24 times within three days. 8 or 10 alone on this road above. We would have heard it more if we did not turn the radio off halfway through the drive home. That song was viral! Every restaurant, store, bathroom, you name it. It was like that Facebook video of the drama teacher at that Dallas high school. Annoying. And yes, you all think that video is annoying too. Don't lie. It's like it's the teacher's audition video for "Dancing With The Stars." Puleeze!

Anyway, where'd we go? Ah yes Salami city. Did I eat salami? Well that is not an appropriate question. We did eat a lot of Focaccia Bread and pizza. Very delicious. We got lost in the alleys of Genoa, very fun. We bought regional Chianti wines, very tasty. We saw creepy statues, amazing ceiling frescos, beautiful building facades, gorgeous coastline, and Paganini's violin! His concertos were even playing along the museum area streets. Totally cool! We could have stayed there all day and listened. But then it started hailing, so we left.

The boys had fun as well. At least they said so. Could have been humoring me, but I don't think so. Unfortunately, I could not get many family shots. They were being poppyhead teenagers.

Genoa is a very cool city. Birth place of Columbus and all that. Did we see him? No. Not even a statue. Even Barcelona has a statue. Whatevs. We did make it down the coast to Portofino one day though. Very beautiful. But the streets were so narrow that you had to honk around the bend in case another car was coming. Very scary! Especially with how crazy the Italians drive. About gave me a heart attack. I wasn't even driving! We stopped in Rapallo for lunch. That is a neat city as well. It had orange trees growing along the road. I wondered if anyone could pick them. I did not attempt it incase that was a no-no. I do not want to be in an Italian jail for picking oranges. We went at the best time because there were really no tourists, so no jostling. Just a quick "get out of Dodge" weekend for us. We stayed at the Hotel Bristol. If you are ever in Genoa you need to stay at this hotel. Only reason? The stairs. Totally cool. I know a stairway should not be a reason to stay anywhere, but look for yourself and tell me if I am wrong.

 
See! Reason enough! Or it was the huge room with high ceilings? Or the yummy breakfast? Or the fact that it was near the center of the old city? Any reason is a good reason.

We had a cold and rainy Saturday, a cold and windy but sunny Sunday and an utterly beautiful Monday. Really spectacular. In some places the water was the Med blue, in other this gorgeous aqua/teal. We tried to capture it, but not much success.

Piazza de Ferrari. sorry no Ferraris in sight though.

Boccadasse fishing village

Portofino









I have so many pictures of the weekend that I will put a link up. Hope you enjoy!

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/whf089lvkzn7q63/AAAySuMJLQtvgBPd2bPkpcDva?dl=0

Let me know if it doesn't work!