Mr. Sir Elton John, I believe you are incorrect with this song title. Okay, so the song is about ending a relationship, right? Still I don't believe he has the right word. I think sorry is actually kind of a trite word. It is too easily said and too easily dismissed. To me the hardest word to say is Good-bye.
I actually never use it. I can't stand saying it; never have. On the phone I may say bye, but I follow it up with, "I will talk to you later." In person it is always, "I'll see you later." Goodness I can't even type it. There is too much finality in the word Good-bye. Heck I refused to even say it at my dad's funeral. I ended his eulogy the only way possible, with "I'll see you later Dad." I refuse to believe in good-byes, in endings. There is always a next chapter to the story, even if it is yet unwritten. To quote Robert Frost, "...knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back..." Nope, not even then. There is always that smallest chance. I cannot give up on that.
So as I sit here in my hotel room and cry as I type, I must say "I'll see you later" to Switzerland and all of my friends. I have truly enjoyed living here. It is a picturesque country. But mainly because I have met such wonderful people. The friends I have here are sisters of my heart. I cannot think about a day where I can't ring them up for a coffee or a lunch date. It truly breaks my heart.
How can you say it to someone who you met your second day in country; who asked you if you met anyone yet or had any friends yet; who said don't worry when you gave a negative answer; who said I will be your friend and has been ever since? Who is going to giggle and snort at my stupid jokes now?
How do you say good-bye to your friend who stops by for a cup of tea, which you don't drink but keep in your cupboard just for her; who makes fun of your tea kettle because it is not electric but the stove top kind; who knocks on your door to get you to take a walk down by the lake just to get you to stop cleaning? Who is going to drink my tea now?
How do you say good-bye to a friend who laughs at your Mary Poppins bag of everything? Or the friend who brings stuff back from her country for you to try/taste? Or the friend who drives an hour with you to the grocery store and back even if nothing is needed just to keep you company? Or the friend who has a zucchini bread in her bag with your name on it for no reason?
How? You cannot. It is an impossible task. No one can ask it of me. Nor can I do it. But my house is empty, my things are packed. My family is onto a new adventure. Still, this is not good-bye.
My answer will always be "I'll see you later."
